Feeling sick, but trying to smile for the camera.My nephew Miles is getting so big. He's such a love bug.
Beautiful fall tree at the park by my mom's house.
I don't want to go into the health situation for too long because I have more important things to discuss on this blog. Well, I don't think the enzymes worked for me. Honestly, I think I was too far along to rely on enzymes removing the cancer from my body. All the fevers were not from the enzymes, but from tumors on my liver. They have doubled in size and now my liver is partially compromised. I guess liver tumors cause fevers and also cause a TON of pain when they get so large. I got a CT scan and PET scan. The PET scan showed that they were more active than before. I also have a lot of fluid in my abdominal area. It make sense, because I have lost a lot of weight from lack of appetite, but my stomach sticks out. My legs and arms are smaller though.
I started chemo last week. I don't feel like I had much of a choice. I love how many times I have gone back and forth between not doing chemo and then doing chemo. I'm taking Gemzar. I got another port because my veins are very small and I'll get the chemo often and Gemzar actually burns your veins as it goes in. HURTS. I got to experience that last week and man was it fun.
So, enough about that. Here's hoping to me getting better, liver tumors shrinking, fevers going away and fluid disappearing so I don't feel like my abdomen is trying to explode.
Now what can you do to help? Well, Kevin and I have started a 9pm ritual. So far for 5 nights we have meditated/visualized together. We lay down in silence with our eyes closed for 20 minutes. First we just focus on our breath until our minds are clear. Then, we start the visualization. We visualize the chemotherapy eating away at the tumor cells around my liver and then swooosh they get swept away to be taken out of my body. The other thing we visualize is the cancer cells right on the liver turning into healthy liver cells. Cancer cells are gray to me and the liver cells are red. I mostly vision the cancer cells there, but more like dead cells where the liver cells are very much alive. Every time my mind starts to wander I focus back on my breath and then get back into the visualization again.
Once again, how can you help?? Join us. You can stay in your home, but join us at 9pm and do the visualization with us. It has been proven that more minds don't just duplicate the power by the extra number of minds, but they exponentially increase the effectiveness. Please don't look at this and say, "Oh, that's nice. I'm sure someone is doing this for them." Don't assume someone else is doing it. I NEED your help and I am asking you for it. You don't have to do it every day, but please join as much as you can. You don't have to do the full 20 minutes either. If you have the time, please from 9pm to 9:20 focus your thoughts on my cells turning into healthy cells. Some people are into meditating, some visualization, some like to pray, either way, we all have the same goal and I think us doing it together will increase the effectiveness.
Here are some tips on visualization:
1. Make sure you are in a quiet area where you won't be disturbed
2. Set an alarm, so you don't have to worry if the time is up yet and you can focus
3. If your mind starts wandering, just let the thought lightly pass, focus on your breathing and start again.
4. ALWAYS have a positive attitude while doing this and try to internally smile.
5. If my picture doesn't work in your head, create your own picture of chemo, cancer cells and healthy liver cells
6. Think in the present moment. (VERY IMPORTANT). Think that at that moment all my cells are turning into healthy cells. If you keep thinking about it in the future it will always b in the future and will be less likely to happen
I don't really ask people for much. I get a lot of "please let me know if there is anything I can do" offers. Well, here I am taking them all up at once and I need them all. Please do your very best to help us with this as much as you can. I will have so much hope doing this knowing that I have so many of you out there helping me make this happen.
Thank you all so much
Lots of love and healthy liver cells