Sunday, September 28, 2008

I Have a New Appreciation of what Pain Really Is

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2008 02:18 PM

At this point it still grosses me out when I pull the strip out. Disgusting, I know.

My port hole (aka bullet hole)
I'm getting much better at doing this.

I just wanted everyone to know that no more sympathy pains are required. No more feeling bad for me. I still hold strong that the first dressing changing was by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced (even with Vicodin). The second day I went with my dad to get the second dressing change. It was extremely painful but I would say 100 times better than the first day. So, we went from Kevin trying to hold my hand, blacking out and having to sit down while tears rolled down my face to the next time where my dad had a concerned look on his face and tears just welling up in my eyes. My dad did admit he was happy he didn’t have to be there the first day. I think everyone is kind of surprised when they see it. My surgeon told me that she does a ton of port placement and removal surgeries. Then, she said that I had the worst infection she had ever seen. My dad and I asked “ever?? Like ever in the last year???” The answer was ever, EVER. Not really a record I’m proud to hold.

The good news was that she said it looked better than she expected. When she did the surgery she thought all the skin on top of the port wouldn’t make it and would die off. Now, she thinks it looks good. The following day I took my mom to watch the dressing change. This one was 100 times better that the day before. No Tears at all. My mom made sure I took note of how nice I am to the surgeon (Dr Stein) even though I’m in so much pain. I know my mom was thinking I will flip out on her if she hurts me. It was a better appointment but now the surgeon decided that I need the dressing changed twice a day. Oh well, at least the changing is feeling better. My mom did great the first night. This morning I actually did it myself. I don’t push it down in and under quite like other people do, but maybe as the inside heals a little more I’ll get a little more daring.

One day after all this and I showered, let water in the big hole in my chest (my friend Todd said it looks like a bullet hole) and put the dressing inside the site and I did all of this with absolutely NO pain medication and did it all by myself. I got that stupid song in my head and I even started singing the part that goes…… “Allllllllllllll byyyyyyyyyyyyy myyyyselllllf” (the only words I know) Call me the toughest person you know if you like (minus singing that stupid song). I thought I was pretty cool. My new goal is to have this hole heal faster than the 6 weeks I was told.

Kevin’s birthday is today. Send him a happy birthday wish. I’ve already spoiled him to make sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate everything he does for me. Happy late birthday Uncle David (the 21st).

But now I can tell you all why I have a new appreciation for what pain is. You all thought it was my port surgery….Not even close. Yesterday my sister gave birth to my nephew Miles Eli. (8lbs 9oz) She had a completely natural birth and I was there in the room and I saw it all. I saw everything. I will NEVER AGAIN complain about my port pain. There is no way stuffing my infected port with gauze even compares to giving birth naturally. Miles is so cute, completely healthy and very content. He sleeps a lot so far and doesn’t really cry yet. I get to watch him a lot when my sister goes back to work so we will get pretty close in the future.
Okay, that’s about all for now. Hope you enjoy the pictures of the whole port process I went through (except I didn’t take any pictures when I was crying) Enjoy!

Keep it real

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