Saturday, September 27, 2008

Let me Obsess About Hair Some More

THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 2008 11:48 AM

This picture of Chloe cracks me up. I came downstairs and there she was just laying on my wheatgrass like she was supposed to be there. Or, this is a defiant act telling me I cannot control her. I can't get mad at her it is so cute. I guess she doesn’t see any difference between that and the grass outside. I can’t blame her. I just laugh and take a picture and hope she doesn’t do it again. She hasn’t since then so that is good. (at least that I know of)

Since this entry is all about me obsessing about hair I figured I would give you a little insight as to how hard it has been for me to find the right wig. Here are 5 that I have right now (not including the two that I donated). Sadly, I am not in love with any of these. They all look the same but are slightly different. Those slight differences make a big difference to me.

This entry is going to be a short one on hair. (I always say short and then when I am done, I have to modify what I said because it is never short) I’m starting to grow hair back on Xeloda. YEAH!! It is a SLOW process.

First, let’s start with the question I think everyone wanted to ask me all through this treatment. “Why are you wearing a wig this time?” Last time I went through chemo I probably wore a wig about 5 times total. I sported the hats and bandanas like no-ones business. I have about 40 different colors of bandanas. Well, there are two reasons I wear the wig. One is I look a lot worse going through all of this the second time around.
This time I was on chemo so long all my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out. I thought people look sick without hair on their head, but there is a whole other level of looking sick without the eyelashes and eyebrows. Plus, this chemo discolored my face and now I have red all around my eyes. On top of all of that wonderful stuff, my face has broken out on this chemo. Not your typical breakout, but little bumps all around my cheeks and in the discolored areas. Anyway, I tried only wearing a bandana a few times and I do not look like the cute cancer girl I did the first time around. At home I leave the wig off and am bald a lot. The second reason I wear the wig is because I got sick of the “Aw, you must have cancer” look. I cannot stand pity. I don’t like people treating me like I am sick. I also like to go about my business like I am still living a normal life. I get extra dressed up and go out shopping. I probably have people look at me shopping during the day in my nice clothes, with my matching jewelry, hair all done nicely, and they probably think I am a snobby house wife. That would actually make me happy to be judged that way. I guess it is so far from cancer girl sick and on disability that I wouldn’t mind being judged. So, what I am trying to say is I don’t want to be sick, look sick and be treated like I am sick and fragile. I am so far from a fragile helpless person, so I don’t need a bald head making me look so.

Sometimes I feel bad. Like I am doing other young women with cancer a disservice by not letting it be known that I have cancer. I sometimes feel like I should be a part of getting the word out that Yes, young women do get cancer. Oh well. I do a lot in other ways and I am not going feel ugly every day of my life to get the word out. I do enough. I’ll write a book and that way everyone can know.

Of all the hair that could start growing back the armpit hair grew back first. Sweet huh?? I was actually excited about it.
Next my bottom eyelashes started growing back. This was a real treat because I got to stop wearing eyeliner under my eye to make it look like I have eyelashes. They kind of first grow back like mutant hairs at first though. Probably because they are all messed up from chemo. Eventually they looked normal. The hair is growing so slow though. I am still on chemo, so I’m sure that is what is keeping it from growing like normal hair. I just started to get the top eyelashes. It might be a few more weeks before they are normal length. They are super short right now. The eyebrows are coming back, but they are very thin and light. You can barely see them. I hope they fill out and darken.

My arm hair is really short. Now, when I get goose bumps I immediately look at my arms to see the hairs stick up. I am so easily amused. When my leg hair came back I shaved my legs when I probably only had 10 whole hairs on my leg. The more you shave it seems the quicker your hair grows, so I was trying that theory out. Two weeks later and no shaving I was getting a massage and I asked the girl if my legs were hairy. She said they were silky smooth, I’m sure thinking that was what I wanted to hear. I think I am getting some nose hairs, but my nose is still all aggravated, so I don’t think they are long enough to really do the filtering jo0b they are supposed to.

Lastly, the hair on my head. It’s funny, because I cared more about the eye and nose hair coming back. The hair on my head doesn’t really seem to be growing. If you remember when it grew back last time it was really thick and really dark (and it grew fast). Complete opposite this time. My hair is super thin, and light and it is barely growing. It just looks like peach fuzz on my head. It was about this length last time when I stopped wearing the bandanas. I still look bald now though. I don’t want to obsess about the hair anymore because at any time things could go bad and I need to go back on a more toxic chemo and then all the hair will be gone again anyway.
As forest Gump would say, “And that’s all I have to say about that.”

Kevin and I get to go see the Pistons play Miami tonight and then tomorrow we go to the Red Wings game and we see them play the Blues in the 3rd row. How cool is that? Love being back in Michigan. Next weekend we go to New Orleans on a trip Kevin got for being good at his job. That should be a blast to. It will be nice to get some 80 degree weather, so I can get ready for the heat in Texas.

I sold a couple more necklaces. Yeah! I’m getting good. I made a silver necklace today. Yep, chain and everything.

Well, bye everyone! Have a fun weekend. Get outside and move around. Laugh a lot too.
Love Shannon

No comments:

Post a Comment

darker pink dots